2024-05-20 18:50:18
Larry King
when i was a child, being barely articulate prevented me from having normal communication, which made society quite uncomfortable to me:
they ask you something, you take a full mouth's breath, and you realize you can't respond without stuttering – you smile like an idiot, try a second time and barely get to say anything again, since the time for response has slipped away and now people just think that you're a retard.
– hello, can i see Olya? – i rehearsed, standing near the entrance, for 10 straight minutes, because no one would let Olya near a moron you can barely understand.
this problem begged for a solution: i read somewhere that Demosthenes, an ancient Greek orator, solved a similar issue in this manner: filled his mouth full of rocks, standing on the shore, and tried to shout louder than the waves. i went to Neva, picked up the roundest rocks, filled my mouth and tried to speak. a few seconds of this was enough to make me spit it all with a loud and clear
– motherfucker!
on my tongue, because i almost broke my teeth. the guy who wrote Demosthenes' story retold some bullshit he didn't even bother to fact-check.
reading out loud and tongue twisters were even less effective. then, in a book shop, i encountered Larry King's "how to talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime", which also held nothing of use. nothing but this:
Larry was telling his story of getting into radio, when he kept coming to a studio for months on end, pissing off the staff, same as we did with shilling Grimace to the whole CIS region. then, impressed by the persistence, they decided to give him a chance – he sat by the microphone and was left alone in the radio room. but as soon as they went live Larry realized he couldn't say a word.
first five seconds were completely silent. then ten, twenty. the studio owner started aggressively hitting the glass, showing with gestures that Larry needs to start talking. but he kept silent. then, in a raging tantrum, the owner grabbed a chair and hit it on the glass.
what happened next was described by Larry as such: "if you don't know what to say – always say the truth"
– hello everyone, my name is Larry King – he started, unexpectedly. – i am live on the radio for the first time, and i dreamed about it my whole life, but now, when i am given my first and last chance, i am incredibly nervous and can't say a word, which is making the studio owner ragingly batter the glass wall using a chair, and it seems that after the show it will be my turn to get fucked up...
the rest of the episode went fantastically, and the method of "saying as it is" worked well, Larry got his job, and in time he became one of the most popular radio&tv hosts.
my story is quite a plain one, but nine years have passed and i still remember it, because there's nothing simpler and more pleasant than speaking the truth, and there's nothing that brings as much trouble as bullshitting. lying is useless, leads you to lying to yourself, and then you get completely lost in your own lies.
i would even suppose that Grimace made its way to $100M market cap only thanks to Larry King's forgotten method. so, try it out for yourself, see how life changes, and from now on – off with the bullshit, degens.
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